OH GREAT ONE: Quotes

Starr & Britney [2006-2007]

[Starr and Langston meet Britney for the first time]
Britney: Hi. I'm Britney.
Starr: Hi, I'm Starr. And this is Langston.
Langston: Hi.
Britney: Nice to meet you guys. You know that guy your dad just tried to attack?
Starr: Yeah.
Britney: That was my father.
Starr: I'm sorry.
Britney: Not as sorry as you're going to be, for the rest of your high school life. Welcome to high school hell.

Britney: My dad was going to sue your dad for attacking him at Parents' Night, but he knows how to control his temper, not being a psychopath and all.
Starr: What's your point?
Britney: You're not in middle school anymore. Here, you're either in or you're out.
Amber: What she means is you're not Britney squad material.
Starr: I'm heartbroken.

Starr: You better back off, Britney. I am warning you. I am just like my dad and I don't take crap from anybody.

Britney: Look, I know we got off to a bad start, but I don't really know you.
Starr: And I like it that way.

[Britney spills her beer on Starr]
Starr: Oh! You bitch! You did that on purpose!
Britney: What did you just call me?
Starr: God, Britney. Even one-syllable words are over your head.

Viki: Why don't you want to go to school?
Starr: It's because of these girls. They call themselves the Britney squad. Their sole mission in life is to make my life miserable.

Starr: (about Britney) I hate that bitch.
Langston: Ditto.

Starr: Ms. Kenny said you can't go to the dance because you were being a total bitch in class.
Britney: I'll find a way around it.
Starr: How?
Britney: My daddy will fix it for me. He's an upstanding citizen, you know -- not a psychopath like your father.

[Marcie wants the students to talk about their favorite authors]
Starr: I like Harper Lee, but she only wrote one book.
Britney: Really? I thought your favorite book was "My Life as an Ugly Loser."
Starr: Funny -- I thought your favorite book was "How to be a Total Bitch."

[Britney is about to read her paper to the entire English class]
Britney: When you were here last time, you said we could write about anything just as long as we were interested in it.
Marcie: Yes, I did.
Britney: Ok. (starts reading) "The Rapist, by Britney Jennings. It must be so hard to know that somebody you know has been convicted of the violent crime of rape. Rapists are the cruelest, meanest people in the world. And I think all rapists should be castrated so they can't pass on their perverted, disgusting genes to the next generation."

Starr: That's the boys' locker room.
Langston: Britney went in.
Starr: But she's a slut, and I'm just a girl.

[Cole rejects Britney]
Britney: Oh -- do you have any idea what you're missing out on?
Cole: I have a very good idea. And I'm not missing out on anything.
Britney: Well, you must be saving yourself for Starr Manning. Listen, I've got news for you -- Starr won't and can't do any of the things that I can and will do. Think about it.

Britney: Cole likes girls who put out.
Starr: Then why didn't he take you to the dance?

[Cole, on a roid-rage, attacks Starr]
Cole: Why can't you act like a normal girl for once, you uptight little -- agh!
Starr: You want "normal"? I'll go get Britney and I'll tell her to bring her kneepads!

Britney: Well, Allison just told me all the stuff she just said to you about, you know, if -- Cole wouldn't be in trouble if you had just done it with him that night.
Langston: She said that?
Starr: Yep. Gives a whole new meaning to "taking one for the team."

Britney: (to Amber) I want to hook up with Cole because that's what Starr wants. And as much as Starr likes Cole, I hate Starr that much more.

Cole: Listen, Britney has nothing on you. All right? You don't care what people think about you. You know, you don't take crap from girls like Britney. You stand up to people and stand up to bullies. Why would you even compare yourself to her?
Starr: Because --
Cole: What?
Starr: I don't -- I feel stupid saying it.
Cole: Come on, just tell me.
Starr: Ok, when I saw Britney all over you, I got so mad at her that I wanted to set her hair on fire.

Britney: It would be so cool if you and Cole could go to winter festival together.
Starr: Yeah. It would just make your day, wouldn’t it?
Britney: Well, what do I have to do to prove that I'm on your side?
Starr: How about you stop wearing pink shoes and washing your hair?

Langston: So we'll just go to our room, Cole will go to his room, and we'll all just stay put till the roads open and we can all go home.
Starr: Can't wait, because I've always wanted to be within snoring distance of Britney.

Starr: If you want Cole, you can -- you can have him.
Britney: Thanks.
Starr: Don’t thank me, because I'm not doing it for you. I want to be there when you do your little act for Cole, and I want to watch him shoot your mean, back-stabbing, skanky ass down.

Starr: (to Langston) You know, if Britney does get the lead in "Oklahoma!," It might be funny to see the look on her face -- when she has to kiss a total drama nerd.

Cole: What is Britney doing?
Starr: Oh, she’s being the slut that she usually is. I can’t even stand to look at her.

Starr: I have nothing to talk to you about. Me and Cole are done and you're with that kid Garrett.
Britney: No, we're hooking up, but it’s not a big deal.
Starr: Ok -- ew, please. Spare me the details of your sex life.

Britney: I let Henry think I was his friend so he'd write my paper. It’s like economics -- the exchange of goods for services.
Starr: Ooh, wow, that’s a heavy concept. Did Henry teach you that?
Britney: You're doing the same thing.
Starr: I am not.
Britney: You let Cole think you'd put out so you could go from being the weird girl nobody knew to everyone’s favorite little emo queen.

Britney: Ok, this is a disaster. If I don’t get a decent grade in that class, I'm going to be kicked out of cheerleading. I mean, I need to do something drastic.
Starr: What are you going to do, study for once?
Britney: Oh, don’t be stupid.

Starr: So you're taking Britney out on a date tonight?
Cole: Yeah, why?
Starr: Why? Because she's her and you're you.

Starr: (to Blair) I met Cole because Britney spilled beer on me at a party. And he lent me sweats so that I wouldn't come home reeking. How could he go out with her? He knows more than anybody else how she treated me. He told me that he loved me.

[Starr and Blair run into Cole and Britney out at the movies]
Britney: Oh, did you come here with your mom? God, that’s so cool. I mean, I can’t remember the last thing my mom and I did--
Blair: No, uh, Starr is not here with me.
Cole: You're not here together?
Blair: No, I'm here by myself. Starr is here with --
[Blair gestures to Cristian]
Cole: You're hanging out with him?
Britney: Isn’t he a little --
Cristian: Yeah, yeah, Starr and I go way back. I like hanging out with her, and she’s cooler than 90% of the women I know.
Starr: Well, thank you, Cristian, but you don’t have to stick up for me. I'm totally here with my mom. And you're right, Britney -- it is cool.

Starr: (to Blair about Cole) I don't talk to him anymore. The only time I see him in school is when Britney is leading him around with her rhinestone leash.

Starr: So is this your new hobby, Britney? Wandering around the park looking for people to piss off?
Britney: No. I was just pointing out that you two should enjoy this while you can. You know, who knows how long it'll last? Love is fleeting, after all.
Starr: Oh, "love is fleeting, after all." Do you have a pen? I should write that down.
Britney: Hmm. Sad, isn’t it? Just breaks my heart.
Starr: What heart?
Britney: Get new material, Starr.

Britney: Cole is lying to you about something totally huge.
Starr: My boyfriend is hiding something from me? Gee, I wonder what it could be. Is it -- is it that he has the hots for you?
Britney: Do you think that this is a joke?
Starr: No, but I think you are.

Starr: You have so little going on in your life that you use all of your energy to try to annoy me, and it only makes me feel sorry for you.
Britney: You are going to eat those words, Starr Manning.
Starr: Why don’t you? And choke on them.

Britney: Cole and I are over because I can do much better.
Abigail: So why do you care so much?
Britney: Because Cole is a lying little poser, and Starr’s completely crazy. So for the betterment of the world, I'm going to destroy their lives.

Britney: Hey, Starr.
Starr: Let me guess. This is part two of you trying to convince me that my boyfriend is hiding some big secret?
Britney: No, this is the sequel. I'm here to tell you just what it is exactly that Cole is keeping from you.
Starr: You know, Britney, I think you should become a writer. You're always making up secrets that Cole could be hiding from me. What is it now? Is he a Cyclops? Is he an alien, a spy?

Starr: You are, and have always been, a liar. Cole has never lied to me, and I'm supposed to believe you over him?
Britney: Well, from your reaction, I guess not.

[Starr is upset at the news that Blair had Todd put in jail]
Starr: I can’t believe this. We are front-page news again, which means that Britney is probably at the printers as we speak blowing it up poster size.
Blair: But it’s all good news, sweetie.
Starr: Yeah, you know that and I know that, but Britney’s going to hear that you threw dad in jail, and boom -- first day of school and I'm off and running.
Blair: Oh, forget about Britney. This is about your little brother. Britney’s an only child, so blah -- forget it.
Starr: She’s an only child because her parents didn’t want to repeat their mistake.

Markko: (to Britney) Don’t you have a life? Why don’t you go get one and leave us alone?
Britney: Huh. Leave you alone? When it’s so much fun to drive you all crazy? And I mean, it’s so easy with Starr’s family always doing something stupid to talk about.
Langston: Oh, shut up, you bitch!
Starr: Ok, thanks, guys. There’s nothing that Britney can do anymore, because I've been hearing cracks about my parents ever since I was 3 years old. And you have made sure that everybody in the school knows everything that there is to know about my family. And it’s over. And I feel sorry for you, because you have to live the rest of your life being you.

Britney: I just hope Mrs. McBain isn’t in trouble.
Cole: What? Oh, please, you don’t give a damn about her or Starr.
Britney: Look, Mrs. McBain is really nice. And her husband happens to be a doctor, not some --
Starr: Hey, say it, and you're dead!
Britney: I don’t have to. Everybody knows what your father is.

[Todd doesn't want Starr to testify for him]
Starr: (to Todd) How many times have I told you that I can handle this? The lawyer is nothing compared to Britney.

Starr: Where are you going?
Britney: I'm getting out of this armpit of a school and going to an exclusive boarding school in Massachusetts. It’s for people with, like, a future.

[Britney says goodbye to her friends]
Britney: I'm going to miss you so much.
Amber: I'll call all the time, we'll email. I'll never forget you.
Starr: Why don’t you two take it to the Palace Hotel?

[Britney drops in on Starr and Cole]
Britney: Ooh, look -- it’s a love-in.
Cole: What, did you follow us?
Starr: Britney, get out of here unless you want to start your new school with dentures.
Britney: Oh, very butch. Leonard must be giving you lessons.

Britney: Well, this has been fun, but I'm off to pack for my new school where I'll be meeting the right kind of people for a change. Don't bother to write.
Starr: I swear that --
Britney: And if you touch me again, I'll have my parents sue you.
Starr: At least Langston's parents loved her. Your parents can't wait to ship you off to boarding school, and I don't blame them.

Starr: If what you did today ruins Langston's life, your new start at your new school is over.
Britney: I'll make note of that.
Starr: And you know all those cracks that you made about my crazy father? Well, don't think that I won't hesitate to ask him for help, because unlike your parents, my father will do anything for me.

[Cole has been kidnapped]
Bo: Did Cole ever mention to any of you about having any enemies?
Starr: Uh -- only Britney.
Markko: Yeah, but she's in boarding school. She couldn't have done this.
Starr: Yeah, and she's a bitch, not a psycho.